Lone Ranger & Tonto

[BGregory]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "That you, Kemo Sabe, are dumber then buffalo s**t. Someone has stolen tent."

[Hawkmoon]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across a desolate stretch of Texas and take a much-needed break when they encounter a small pool of water in a seep. After drinking and refilling their canteens, they bring the horses to the pool to let them drink before continuing the journey. As the horses are drinking the Lone Ranger looks up and sees that the area surrounding the seep is filled with Comanche Indians ... in war paint.

Tapping Tonto on the shoulder and raising his arm to point out the surrounding war party, the Lone Ranger asks "Tonto, it looks like we're surrounded by a war party of hostile Indians. What do we do now?"

To which Tonto replies, as he mounts his horse, "What 'em mean 'We', white man?"

[BGregory]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into town. It was hot, so they stopped at the saloon for a drink. After a few minutes, someone came in and said, "Who does that white horse out there belong to?"

"Why, that's my horse, stranger," said the Lone Ranger.

"I just thought I'd let you know that your horse is sweating up a storm out there. He's been ridden pretty hard, and if you don't cool him down proper, he's going to turn sick on you."

"Tonto, you know what to do. Could you take care of Silver for me?"

"Alright, Kemosabe." And Tonto went out and started running in circles around Silver, waving his arms back and forth as he ran. (An old Indian trick for cooling a horse off, don't ya know.)

A few minutes later another man came into the saloon and asked, "Who does that white horse belong to?"

"Why, stranger, that's my horse," answered the Lone Ranger. "Well," said the man, "you left your Injun running!"

[Joni Lynn]

Rotflmfaopmp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):)

[gottripletsNC]

ROFLMAO, second one has got to be the funniest :D :D

[texasbatman]

Thanks ya'll. Great way to start the day......with a hearty laugh. :)

Jim

[Joni Lynn]

I really needed a great laugh and that did it, thanks so much!!!! :):)

[TheProf-TX]

I regret to inform you that Tonto died last week. The medical examiner found he was shot between the eyes with a silver bullet. When questioned the Lone Ranger confessed to the crime. When asked why he killer Tonto, the Lone Ranger replied "I found out what kemosabie really meant."

[Joni Lynn]

:):) ;) Lol.............:):)

[scooter]

""A few minutes later another man came into the saloon and asked, "Who does that white horse belong to?"

"Why, stranger, that's my horse," answered the Lone Ranger. "Well," said the man, "you left your Injun running!" ""

__________________
Ill have you know I am 1/2 cherokee and my family descends from Chief skwatalat of the smeletepee tribe of oklahoma They are a small sect of the long lost Helawee tribe originally from Kentucky(If youre real quiet in the mountains at nite you can still hear one of them say "Where the Helawee").

[martin]

Tonto was the smarter of the two. Most people don't know that he carried a pair of 1911s in his saddlebag!

[Moose63845]

Ill have you know I am 1/2 cherokee and my family descends from Chief skwatalat of the smeletepee tribe of oklahoma They are a small sect of the long lost Helawee tribe originally from Kentucky(If youre real quiet in the mountains at nite you can still hear one of them say "Where the Helawee").
I can't believe I missed this part when I first read your post.

[garrettwc]

I can't believe I missed this part when I first read your post.
I missed it too. His post is separated down the middle with a line so it looks like the funny part is part of his sig line and not the actual post.

Tonto was the smarter of the two.
Every time the Ranger said "Tonto ride into town", Tonto did so without questioning. Everytime he got the stuffing beat out of him by the town baddies. Real Rhodes scholar :p

[scooter]

[guote/]
Every time the Ranger said "Tonto ride into town", Tonto did so without questioning. Everytime he got the stuffing beat out of him by the town baddies. Real Rhodes scholar :p[/QUOTE]

Yes but he WAS in town while kimoslobbee was dodgin bullets out on the cold prairiehttp://forum.m1911.org/images/icons/icon10.gif

[mayagrafix]

I remember watching the old Ranger programs on TV with glee. However, many moons after, I can't help but chuckle at the inside joke of naming the faithfull sidekick "TONTO" which in spanish means DUMMY and him using "KEMOSABE" which sounds like "I don't know" (QUE NO SABE). Only Silver came thru unscathed from the writers wit ;)

[Blasterboy]

I like "Fugawee" better ...as in where the "Fugawee" Indian tribe...

[Hawkmoon]

I like "Fugawee" better ...as in where the "Fugawee" Indian tribe...
I've heard the long version.

Don't even THINK about posting it.

[Hawkmoon]

I remember watching the old Ranger programs on TV with glee. However, many moons after, I can't help but chuckle at the inside joke of naming the faithfull sidekick "TONTO" which in spanish means DUMMY and him using "KEMOSABE" which sounds like "I don't know" (QUE NO SABE). Only Silver came thru unscathed from the writers wit ;)
Now that I am married to a Chilena and am having to learn Spanish (which I hadn't studied since the 8th grade) I just discovered the same thing. You beat me to posting it.

An alternate on Kemo Sabe would be Spanish "quien sabe," which means "who knows?". "No sabe" doesn't mean "I don't know" it means "he doesn't know" (maybe that's it, after all :) )

[scooter]

heard it the "other" way too I just figured my version had a better chance of gettin past the censorship this board inflicts on us constantlyhttp://forum.m1911.org/images/icons/icon10.gifhttp://forum.m1911.org/images/icons/icon10.gif



(Just kiddin John Ya do know Im just kiddin doncha, doncha????)

[scooter]

[QUOTE=An alternate on Kemo Sabe would be Spanish "quien sabe," which means "who knows?". "No sabe" doesn't mean "I don't know" it means "he doesn't know" (maybe that's it, after all :) )[/QUOTE]

coming from texus and learning a little "mexican" spanish (more bad words than good http://forum.m1911.org/images/icons/icon11.gif ) (its as different as a new joisy accent is to the suthun drawl) it can also mean hes "unknown" (as in the mask)http://forum.m1911.org/images/icons/icon10.gif

[Tom]

I've heard the long version.
Don't even THINK about posting it.

LOL I was thinking the same thing. :D

Remember the show F Troop? The local Indian tribe on that show was the Heckawi as in "Where the heck are we?".

I loved that show.

[Joni Lynn]

F Troop was full of little words that slipped past the unknowing censors at the time. That was why They had so much fun!!!! or.........!!!MEN!!!!!!!.........!!!!!!!!!!